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theroommatelife
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Name: Eileen
Gender: Female
Interests: Changing, learning, teaching, farms, China, kids, crochet, politics, photography
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Member Since:
9/18/2004
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| There are some things about Christmas that seem never to change. Every year (since high school graduation at least) I have cried at my church children's Christmas pageant. Being rather stoic regularly, this surprises me every year, even though I admit before it begins that children singing makes me cry.
The first candy cane. It never ceases to get me "in the mood."
Shopping: I guess it's unavoidable. And then there are things that are molded by the years. Going to Grandma's house used to be my favorite part about Christmas. There was a certain smell to the cabin and something special about using electric blankets to heat the beds in the freezing basement. I shared a room with my brothers, there was a closeness, a family bond there...something exciting and warm and special. Now we normally stay at home. Sometimes we're all together, but most of the time we have a smattering of family members, brother, sister-in-law, grandparents, some here some there. No matter who's there, though, I'm always just Eileen in a family all matched up with their life-long mates. (pity party ends here...in fact, it never really began, I'm just saying it like it is) Not that I mind all this. I love how I now have two new sisters, both unique in their own ways and bringing something new to the family. This may be our last Christmas in a long time to be all together. Lucas and Jamie are going to Russia, who knows where I will be, Ben and Sarah the constant ones...a lump forms in my throat. I guess things have to change. Jesus said that those who leave father and mother will receive their reward. Somehow that knowledge hardly blunts the blow. It still hurts. Some things never change. Maybe next year I'll be crying at some Christmas program my students have put on. I'm sure I'll find a candy cane to enjoy wherever I go. And some things...well, time changes. | | |
| I could hardly contain a giggle as I listened to the idiomatic expressions being read with such a serious tone and concentration..."heez boss wass da beg ches. Mark wass da cream of da crop..." I delighted as they pointed to a cupcake, asking what it was and dissected a brownie, seeing it for the very first time....the very first time! In my mind I've already concocted plans to introduce them to rice crispy treats, root beer floats, and other wonders of the American dessert culture. Though I thoroughly enjoy learning about other cultures, there is also a certain joy in watching as others discover my own culture. "What is 'gospel'?" she asked, underlining the word in the verse. With such questions my spirit both jumps and sinks. Maybe not an unreached people group, but an unreached person. What is the gospel? What is reconcile? What is ransom? How could I express such concepts in simple, English words to somebody who doesn't know what a brownie is? Or rather, how could I explain without leaping to my feet and pulling her close as if my nearness to her could allow her to see Jesus, see the change in me, see how TRUE true true...how desperately true this is? But for "Jean," desperate has no part. She has a pre-made answer as to how to respond to crazy Christians...a response gifted by her government early in childhood. This Jesus was a good man who taught good things and this is something that is good for us all...good. But this isn't what Jesus taught. He taught life through Himself. He taught dependence on God and a life changed as a result. But no truth could sink through the lie. Jean knows what "gospel, ransom, and reconcile" mean now. She also knows what "the big cheese" and "cream of the crop" mean. But she doesn't know Jesus. She doesn't know real life.
"It is good to talk about these things..." she said as we tried to tie up a conversation lost in words not completely grasped. Yes, I thought, so good. And all I can do now when I think of Jean, Psyche, Shinying, and Jessie is pray for soft hearts. If somebody had told me a year ago that they could produce somebody such as Jean in America I would have doubted their word, but now I know... | | |
| Update time maybe:
Been
teaching swim lessons, getting an awful tan line...and have finally
almost fnished teaching all the makeup dates we've accumulated from 2
weeks ago...due to the sky's proclivity to pour around 5 pm every night
in Columbia. After much prayer the rains have stopped...for now (you
laugh about the prayer part, but i've gotta give credit where it's due).
God's been teaching me alot.
(1)
In the times where you want to get up in somebody's face and tell them
they're not treating you fair and it's all unjust and you're being
used...look around and see that time as a challenge to learn from.
Much of the time I'm teaching 3 times as many kids as everybody else at
my pool and probably getting paid less. My initial reaction was to
demand a raise or a change of assignment. I went to prayer before God
moaning about my rights and how it's just too hard. But He changed my
view and showed me how much I can learn from this challenge. I want to
be a teacher and there are going to be plenty of times when I just want
to ex out certain kids and say "take them back." So I'm taking this as
a learning time.
(2) I'm so selfish, even when I help others. The
Dr. has ordered my mom not to bend for a whole week. that means she
can't: empty the dishwasher, do laundry, vacuum, wash the floor, pick
up things she drops...etc. This means I get to do all these things.
Needless to say, after the first day I needed an attitude adjustment.
So this morning I vacuumed and steam-cleaned the kitchen floor. The
selfishness comes in when i see that i did it not necessarily to help
my mom, but b/c i was sick of walking around in slippers simply because
i didn't want my bare feet to touch the kitchen floor. But maybe
everything good has some underlying selfish motive.
(3) Being single
is a wonderful blessing which not everybody has for long. Rather than
seeing the cute 2 year-old in the grocery store as a reason to be
bitter, God has turned my heart to thanks for this time that I am able
to be free from the weight of marital and parental responsibility...to
wake up when i want to and go out when i want to and work out some of
my issues now.
(4) God has given me a deep love for kids. I guess i
just realized the fullness of this. My patience with adults is only
inches long while for kids it goes for miles. Time after time I doubt
what God wants me to do, but love covers a multitude of weaknesses. So
at very least I know God wants me with kids...and that's some assurance.
So there's me this summer. God's got a grip on my heart and He's molding it...but we've got a long way to go. | | |
| i've been feeling used lately. so many little things have come up and i do them gladly...these little things that others just don't want to do, but lately it's been too many little things so that the really miniscule things have begun to grate at me...
part of me thinks this (being "used") is wrong, but the other part thinks that to love is to give of yourself with nothing in return...only love would do it with a humble heart, not this prideful claim that i have for my own time. sometimes i disgust myself. | | |
| the days drift by with little distinguishing factors. write two pages, play one cello, take many pictures, read twenty pages, work five hours, organize, systematize. my days mediocre, my dreams outstanding. the Lord speaks. I will array you in robes of righteousness. i will robe you in righteousness...
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